February 17, 2008 at 4:46 am (Friendship, Relationship, Trust)
Tags: abuse, friends, hurt, loyalty, relationtionship, Trust
How can I trust anyone? When all you do is backstabb me? I let you hurt me again and again and again, and I forgive you and believe you … And every time it goes a few days or a few weeks, and you hurt me again. your stories always sounds good and your excuses is hard to crack… But I always end up getting the feeling your lying to me. It hurts to know I think your a friend, and you say you are, but you never act like it is true.
How can I trust you? You break your promises. You are a liar. You hide the truth to just end up hurting me even more. You avoid me and ignore me, until you think i forgotten and are in a forgiving mood. Why cant you see that this is why I don’t trust you, and you are ruining me and my life. If you are my friend and you say you are, and i cant even trust you how can i trust anyone ever again.
Every time you break a promise you break a part of my heart and my trust … You and the others have shattered my heart by now … It’s soon nothing left and you can’t just go get a new and start again.
I’m cold and distant and you think I’m to much work to bother getting close to … maybe you have a cure for my heart and my trust, if only your honest and kind. I’m not outgoing and social. I’m not cheerful and happy. All I get told is that I’m to bitch and harsh. I joke and I insult you, not cause I mean it, but to beat you to it. It’s better you mad at me for being rude, than that you get close enough to hurt me. I might loose you that way, but its better to loose you than to let you hurt me. If you was “for real” you would understand it and see it and stay …. but no one do.
And neither did you …
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February 16, 2008 at 12:49 am (Friendship, Relationship)
Tags: abuse, friends, hurt, loyalty, relationtionship, Trust
Why do you hate me?
Why do I never fit in?
Why is all I do always wrong?
Why is everything going wrong?
Why do everyone lie?
Why? Why? Why? Why?
That’s always it. Why?
Everything is always why. And no matter what, no one will never answer you on that. How can you ever fix whats wrong if no one will answer any of your questions?
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February 14, 2008 at 4:58 am (Divorce)
Tags: abuse, childhood, dad, Divorce, family, happiness, Relationship
Why grow up… Where is the lucky little girl that wanted to be big? Where did my childhood go?
I look in the photos and see a happy little girl, I know it once where me, but where is she? Is happiness something that expire? Mine did, as did my childhood, best before 1983. Sometimes I wonder why – but its always the same answer. Its the same answer that looks back at me in the mirror everyday.
I feel like its my punishment. I once was “Daddy’s girl”, and then just like that he didn’t want me or need me anymore. But how can I change that, i am still the same. The little girl looking like her daddy, being like her daddy. Is that my punishment for him not wanting me.
Its 25 years ago, why do I still feel like the little 8 year old that lost her daddy. Some times I wish he had died instead, would made it all easier to have a grave to mourn at. But i have to live with the knowledge that he is alive and just don’t care enough to know me.
Is this why my life can’t be normal, and I cant do things or trust people. How can someone do that to a child? Divorce, is a form of child abuse.
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